I need my florida friends

[Firegoalie23]

I sit here in tears as I write this, TC knows whats going going, but guys, I need help. On July 9th, my  wife of 7 years left me taking my kids with her.  She tells me that she is no longer happy and doesnt know if she wants to try to work things out or save the marriage.  I am all alone. All my strength and courage are gone.  I am trying to stay strong for the kids, but for me, my family is my world, and my world has come crumbling down.  I am trying to fight for my marriage, but being in limbo like this is killing me.  I asked her to come home and  got told to give her her space and back off.   We had a marriage councelling appointment yesterday, she texted me 10 minutes before our session that she was not showing up, that she had already told the councellor that she wasnt coming.  She told the councellor that  she will be making an appointment to see her on her own for she didnt want to see me.  True we have had our problems over the years, but I never expected this and I need help.   I refuse to give up, for i love her and my kids very much. Please help me get through this and hopefully it will be a happy ending, but I just dont know.  she wont even talk to me. 

Thanks for listening.
Richie- FG23

[DougD]

I'll toss a few prayers in your direction, Richie.

[Tango Chaser]

I know you don't want to hear this.  Because, I heard it for years and years on and off and I didn't want to hear it.  But you CAN NOT make someone love you.  I been down your road more than a half dozen times before it sunk in.  And in the long run it cost me a lot. Finance, credit, cars and more.  All because "it worked" when there was money.

I vowed when I got married (because I didn't have it) that it would be one time and thats it.  If things went wrong, I'd ride it out for the kids.
I however was fortunate enough to have my daughter come to me and tell me "dad, I dont want to do this anymore" And here I thought me "making it work" was better for her and here I was wrong. 2006 sucked for me and my daughter.  2007 and 2008 were not much better. Hell, my CAFCNA family made my kids 07 Christmas possible.

I'm just now coming to the point of getting over all the monitary and belongings issues.  I was alone for quite a while (which I admit dont particularly care for) But I believe that it all happened for a reason and I am currently better off now then I ever was in my life.

Between 1998 and 2005 I've had versions of the above told to me by my friends, my family and even my ex's family and I just blew it off.  I never believed "things happen for a reason".

You have to focus on you "now"  notwhat you think you "want now".  You have to focus on what you can and will do for the little ones.  When you least expect it, you'll find a happiness.

I spent many a nights sending PM's and emails to a certain member of this site in the begining.  Even got talked into traveling to a GTG or two which I thought I'd hate (being alone). Turns out it was just what I needed to help focus on me and not dwell on the past.

Your situations is sort of like mine was. In the sense it was "on again" "off again" etc, etc.  You need to cut the ties and work on you.  In a year or so, you will probably be telling one of your friends the same advise you just read, because you didnt' believe it at the time, but you do now.

~J

[EricB]

I'll toss a few prayers in your direction, Richie.

X2.  I know, I"m not from Florida, and I'm not someone you've met, but He knows.

[Buzzard61]

All I can really say is good luck hope that things can workout. Maybe if you give her a little time things might work, out we will all be there praying for you.  this one is for you.

[07AvySS]

X3 from TC.

 

[MR.SMITH]

Prayers here too. All you can do is give her space. I know its hard but if you push her it will just make her seperate further. Good luck and may God be with you.

[Intimidatoruag]

Good luck man .... can't say I know what you are going thru ..... but TC is right .... you have to work on "You" ....

[Darkhorse]

Sorry to hear this Richie, it may feel like the end of the world, and it is in some ways. While I can't offer to ask an imaginary being to help you, I can offer a little advice from someone who's been there more than once.
 Judging by your similar posts, there have been problems for quite awhile and trying to force a marriage that is clearly over for at least one party does none of you any good and the last thing you want to do is make her your enemy. Maybe it's time to consult a divorce attorney instead of counsellors and try to end the relationship on a peaceful note so there won't be a lot of drama over things like custody of your children. Whether married or not, you and Christina have a long future together raising your kids to be normal, well adjusted adults. How you handle things now can make the next couple of decades a living hell or relatively smooth.

Best of luck to you all.

[sssMOkinAV]

Sorry to hear this Richie, it may feel like the end of the world, and it is in some ways. While I can't offer to ask an imaginary being to help you, I can offer a little advice from someone who's been there more than once.
 Judging by your similar posts, there have been problems for quite awhile and trying to force a marriage that is clearly over for at least one party does none of you any good and the last thing you want to do is make her your enemy. Maybe it's time to consult a divorce attorney instead of counsellors and try to end the relationship on a peaceful note so there won't be a lot of drama over things like custody of your children. Whether married or not, you and Christina have a long future together raising your kids to be normal, well adjusted adults. How you handle things now can make the next couple of decades a living hell or relatively smooth.

Best of luck to you all.

I concur and couldnt have said it better myself.

[grnxnam]

Not exactly sure how it caught you by surprise.  Denial is a powerful tool.

I'm with Tim also.  good luck.



here's the azzhole in me talking..... cut your loses now before she drags you through this again and again.  some things just aren't worth the effort.  If she felt the same way, she would have discussed it with you and a counselor and not walked away.  If you decide to try again, its just gonna be harder for you THE NEXT TIME (and yes, there will be a next time) she does this....and from what it seems, it'll be harder than just ending it now.

[shandar]

I know you don't want to hear this.  Because, I heard it for years and years on and off and I didn't want to hear it.  But you CAN NOT make someone love you.  I been down your road more than a half dozen times before it sunk in.  And in the long run it cost me a lot. Finance, credit, cars and more.  All because "it worked" when there was money.

I vowed when I got married (because I didn't have it) that it would be one time and thats it.  If things went wrong, I'd ride it out for the kids.
I however was fortunate enough to have my daughter come to me and tell me "dad, I dont want to do this anymore" And here I thought me "making it work" was better for her and here I was wrong. 2006 sucked for me and my daughter.  2007 and 2008 were not much better. Hell, my CAFCNA family made my kids 07 Christmas possible.

I'm just now coming to the point of getting over all the monitary and belongings issues.  I was alone for quite a while (which I admit dont particularly care for) But I believe that it all happened for a reason and I am currently better off now then I ever was in my life.

Between 1998 and 2005 I've had versions of the above told to me by my friends, my family and even my ex's family and I just blew it off.  I never believed "things happen for a reason".

You have to focus on you "now"  notwhat you think you "want now".  You have to focus on what you can and will do for the little ones.  When you least expect it, you'll find a happiness.

I spent many a nights sending PM's and emails to a certain member of this site in the begining.  Even got talked into traveling to a GTG or two which I thought I'd hate (being alone). Turns out it was just what I needed to help focus on me and not dwell on the past.

Your situations is sort of like mine was. In the sense it was "on again" "off again" etc, etc.  You need to cut the ties and work on you.  In a year or so, you will probably be telling one of your friends the same advise you just read, because you didnt' believe it at the time, but you do now.

~J

Could not of said it any better good words of advise. I know its not what you want to here but tango is right you have to work on you and once you have you taken care of everything else will fall into place. Were all here for you Richie 

[Fire Starter]

Sorry to hear this Richie, it may feel like the end of the world, and it is in some ways. While I can't offer to ask an imaginary being to help you, I can offer a little advice from someone who's been there more than once.
 Judging by your similar posts, there have been problems for quite awhile and trying to force a marriage that is clearly over for at least one party does none of you any good and the last thing you want to do is make her your enemy. Maybe it's time to consult a divorce attorney instead of counselors and try to end the relationship on a peaceful note so there won't be a lot of drama over things like custody of your children. Whether married or not, you and Christina have a long future together raising your kids to be normal, well adjusted adults. How you handle things now can make the next couple of decades a living hell or relatively smooth.

Best of luck to you all.

I concur and couldn't have said it better myself.

X3

[AVnFun]

Richie,

I sure hope you read all of the above and use it.  God bless ya!

[grnxnam]

did we give the wrong advice?

let me try again...

If you love her never give up! Keep trying and you'll win her back. Do whatever it takes, camp outside where she's staying so you can talk to her whenever she comes or goes. Stop by her work for a surprise lunch every day...roses... lots of roses.  Buy her a puppy and name it after her.  Make sure she understands how commited you are to making this relationship work.  Once she sees that you are serious about it, there's no way she will be able to leave again. 

Shower her with gifts and love and a cuddly puppy and it'll all turn out great.


(just figured that 4 days of lurking and no reply that you didnt like what everyone was saying... which is pretty much the same thing and you wanted to hear something else)

[mgoodwin]

So sorry to hear that man. That has to be pretty rough. Just know that better times lie ahead. I'm always available to grab some cold ones if that would help. Keep your head up.

[anglarry04]

Hope it get better for you my friend.   Everyone has pretty much said what I would, some said it better.   If you love her, give her the distance she needs.   Yes it will be hard.   The distance will allow for both of you to cope.   Use this time to take care of "you"   As said, you have close buddies near you who will be glad to make a drive to help you cope.   Just be strong.   Chin up.   Remember, anytime you fall, just get up, dust yourself off, and move on.  When I say move on, I am saying to not linger around frozen in time.   Work on whats ahead of you.   Hopefully it works out for the best.

[Firegoalie23]

well we are approaching week 3, the only thing she can say right now is she doesnt want a divorce, but isnt ready to discuss things yet. She spoke with the marriage councellor and we will be continueing that. but I just dont know

[anglarry04]

its a step forward.   Just take it one step at a time.   Remember, you have plenty of friends out there.   I wish you the best.   

[K-9 kennellanche]

http://themarriagecounselingblog.com/
http://themarriagecounselingblog.com/

[Firegoalie23]

just updating this, Divorce is in progress, It has been nasty and messy. I am fighting for primary residential of the kids.  She has until the 7th to answer the divorce petition.  So how about an Orlando GTG?

[grnxnam]

congratz and I'm sorry?

Thats a hard decision to make or to be forced upon you.  As much as it can suck, its probably better in the long run.  If nothing else, just do like my parents did years ago.  They decided that after 6 years of being divorced that they actually liked each other a little and have been back together after their 'time off for bad behavior' for around 30 years (40+ total).

Good luck with the courts.

[Willyorca]

There's nothing I can say that won't be cliche so I'll just say BTDT and it only got better. 

I'm particularly fond of a song called Bless the Broken Road just now...I don't regret the past cause I'm the happiest I've ever been and I wouldn't be here had I not traveled the road I did.

I wish you the strength to move past it...

[Darkhorse]

Hate to see people divorce but hate to see people miserable too. Hopefully, after all the anger and poo flinging is over you will both be happy again and can successfully continue the business of raising your children in a much less stress-filled environment. Who knows, maybe as grnxnam suggested, a time-out could bring you closer in the long run.

[downdog2]

Richie, I was in the same situation from the aspect of the kids about 14 years ago. I now realize that you cannot make someone love you. You say that you love your wife and kids very much, this i do believe. However, you also say that yall have had your share of problems throughout your marriage. One of the biggest things in a relationship is that you are IN LOVE with your partner, not that you just love them. This can sometimes be a hard thing to distinguish.

One thing I believe is that if you put this situation in God's hands he will take care of this situation in His own time, in His own manner. It might not be the outcome YOU are looking for right now, however you must trust the it is in the best outcome for you and your kids, and that through Him you will get through this and through all broken paths you may come across.

Another thing I can tell you is that God has already blessed you with another family - the CAFCNA family. We will ALWAYS be here for you!

I will be sure to keep you in my prayers, and wish you the best of luck in this tearful situation.